Trend Spotting: Poverty

20 Dec

Been noticing a weird trend lately: the less that I “work,” the harder it is for me to finance my usual consumption decisions, like shopping at grocery stores where most of the employees have more impressive academic degrees than I do, and not buying things that are inexpensive.

My peers and I maintain a sense of fashion that is unquantifiable in terms of “monetary value,” mainly by purchasing clothing that we “barter” with one another. It’s nice because when someone asks where you got something, you can honestly say that you have no idea, which is pretty much an unfailable recipe for Scoring Home Runs, sexually.

So I’m not totally sure what happens to all my cash. I’m thinking this has something to do with the economy?

I’ve been looking around on Craigslist for some finance-boosting options that won’t compromise my aesthetic values or require waking up early but can help me be more of an active member of the Portland bar scene.

If I applied, I would probably get this job. I’m not very tall but I’m a big fan of potassium, and I could definitely play up a job like this at parties/people would assume that I was “just kidding.” Is $9 an hour the going rate for human bananas?

I’m also considering selling my eggs to a loving Jewish couple for $8,000. This is a little more up my alley in terms of being a lot more money, not even including potential for being on a reality television series\cameo, but I’m worried that having clean urine would infringe on my social values.

Becoming a “gold digger” is another good option that I forget about sometimes. Checked out this Kayne West video from the 90’s about the subculture, but it seems like most of the womyn who take money from men have super tight abdominal muscles, which is not my particular body type.

I did find these Gold Digger adult Halloween\”Adult Dress Up” costumes, which retail for $49.99 and $59.99 online:


Does anyone else feel really frustrated that your chosen lifestyle is out of your price range\athletic ability?

Please comment with whatever easy and short term solutions you have found.

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3 Responses to “Trend Spotting: Poverty”

  1. Steven Jones December 21, 2009 at 11:29 am #

    Grab the banana job before anyone else gets wind of it. At $9/hr, you can’t afford to let it slip away. You will be THE “It Girl” of the holiday party scene. No one will dare throw a shindig without being assured of your presence well in advance.

  2. Mandaar December 22, 2009 at 2:33 pm #

    After months away from Portland I made my first stop inside of Horse Facts aforementioned grocery place. What a Paradise of shopping. I went for soup, I came out with so much more. Good or bad? Who cares. Even the boys who touched my food before I paid for it, they were as pretty as the satsuma and braeburn displays.

  3. pony January 2, 2010 at 8:33 pm #

    sorry, just realized I never really finished reading this entry. Also, I just watched Jerry Maguire, which is all about Tom Cruise’s path to understanding that he needs a lot of money to be happy. Also, he needs Renée Zelwegger (sp?).

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