Which Coast Is Better: A Topic

30 Aug

The West Coast is the Best Coast. I don’t even need to back that up, because California Girls are undeniable. Portland girls are also undeniable, because what we lack in Daisy Dukes with bikinis on top, we make up for in composting. The Middle Coast is not even a coast. What’s left? The Coast of France? Trick question. French coast is not even really French, it’s just fancy.

I bring this up because I was looking at FB today, just checking out pictures of people who I do not know, which is what I do when I’m too wound up for my afternoon nap — also known as insomnia, a borderline serious condish. Also, “FB” stands for “Facebook.” (My mom reads my blog sometimes.) I came across this picture of some East Coast equivalents of myself and my peers, settling down for a chilled out birthday session:

The picture gave me a kind of oh-uh feeling, like something fundamental and cosmic was downloading incorrectly, or like I had all of the “bit pieces” of a Torrent in my Transmission App, but something was stopping me from watching the complete first season of Golden Girls on VLC. “OK, fine,” I thought. “They all have nice glasses. Whatever.” And then I was like, “Maybe I just feel weird because none of them are wearing their pajamas.” And THEN I was like, “Is that cake not gluten-free?”

As you can see here, we chill a little bit differently on the West Coast. We hang out on hay bales, instead of apartments, drinking coconut water instead of beer and exhibiting terrible posture. Some of us have made bad fashion decisions for the day\week, or are having permanent issues with our bangs, but on the plus side, our daytime gatherings are really well attended because none of us have jobs.

I will never move to the Easter Coast, because I’m too busy pursuing a Life of the Heady Mind to remain physically “passable” even by the way-lower standards of the Pacific Northwest, and because I’m scared of the subway, but I’m curious about peers who have made the transition. How did you adapt your style\hairstyle? Which coast have you found it easier to get L’d on?




2 Responses to “Which Coast Is Better: A Topic”

  1. a secret admirer August 30, 2010 at 12:54 pm #

    i love them both!
    you aint never tried mid-january drinkin’ in a snow drifted alley way?
    or the always famous “huddle as close as you can to a fire even though it’s 30 degrees out to avoid a poisonous death inflicted by small insects with an insatiable thirst for blood”?
    then come east!
    people say hella too much in california, but i love them.
    oregonians say “minyew” instead of “menu” but i love them too.
    colin jenkins is the main reason i love washington, but “puyallup” is also quite endearing as a name for a place.
    It has become my new “hick slang” word, when I want someone to ride bike faster, or pick something up. Or come over to my house.

  2. jeremy butman May 31, 2011 at 2:15 pm #

    Oh hi, the top picture is of me and my friends at my house, which apparently you randomly came across on facebook – my guess is that you and I share a mutual friend in jesse malmed (as his name is at the top there too) and thus probably you also know one of my best pals, jeff brodsky. the “painting” on the wall behind me is by chris edley. in boston we don’t dress so hip, but don’t worry: we have hay bales too, just not in our dining room!

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