Snooze Patrol: The Internet

10 Dec

Today I’d like to  weigh in on a question that is important to freedom and Freedom Acts and whether or not we should have Netflix vs. Support our local DVD-only video store, and it is: “Sup With the Internet? and If So, Can It Be Stopped?”

Just brainstorming here, but the first positive thing I can say about the internet is that it invented a code that is indecipherable to the elderly, which is good for when we run out of healthcare for them and need to coordinate alternative plans. I guess as opposed to the dial-up version of that idea, which would be if you just stole their hearing aids and glasses.  I also frequently find the language barrier to be a “neg” in situations such as when adults read newspaper articles about sexting and ask you for your opinion, as a teen, and you start to explain that you don’t sext because you have an iPhone, and on iPhones it is called “Facetime” and then you are like OMG, I am talking irl about s-e-x @thiselderlyperson.

Another possible 😦 is that because of the internet nobody ever capitalizes anything, and if they do it is ALL CAPS so everyone seems like they are either sloppy or yelling, which creates the illusion of everyone being drunk. Let me tell you where is a bad place to spill beer: it is your keyboard. And let me tell you who is crazy about capitalizing things that are definitely not proper nouns: it is the Germans. Freebie term paper topic: “Is the Internet (internet?) making us less German, and if so are we guten or nein-guten about it?” That would be a great paper. And you would learn something in the process: The sign of a great paper. Also: “Great Signs, Great Papers: A Life in German.” or “Too Many Colons: My Life in Subtitles.” All free.

Above, please see the 2nd image that appears when you google “germans.” I am not joking, and I’m not going to unpack it at all. Which brings me to the biggest problem of the internet, im(h)o, which is that it is boring. I feel like the whole point of the internet is that you aren’t supposed to have to DO anything, but yet I am constantly clicking on things and asking people what is fun on the internet and nobody ever, ever, ever updates their Facebook often enough. It’s like, Hey, Internet, I am not trying to read a book here. I am not trying to take a permaculture course at my local community college. I am obviously still in my pajamas and it is your job to delight and amuse me regardless of the hour or day of the week or lack of pants, because you are a machine invented for that purpose, you dig? And yet.

Which brings me to my final question: Can It Be Stopped? Which I would answer, except that I was literally only making this blog to kill time while I illegally downloaded the second season of Deadwood, which nobody better tell me any spoilers about, though I am aware it was filmed during the Gold Rush or sump sump so prols everyone else has already seen it. Pls feel free to continue this conversation with one another, or use the comments section to share parts of the internet that are not boring.

Look, ya’ll! It’s Wild Bill Hickock, and his podnah Seth Sump Sump! They are gonna shoot someone and pan for gold!!!!

And here is the dastardly Al Swearington! His mustache and center part is brewin for a fight. I bet he’s more complex than he seems in episodes 1-4, revealing an essential part of his true nature by the end of Season 1:

Oh, rah.


4 Responses to “Snooze Patrol: The Internet”

  1. natalie December 11, 2010 at 5:12 pm #

    I don’t want you to be destitute or have to eat inexpensive/non-yummy foods or anything, but I kinda want you to be jobless forever so that you continue blogging. You are seriously clever.

    • chelseacarpenter December 14, 2010 at 5:33 am #

      There was a point in my life when I lived in Albany, New York. At that point, in that place, I was a part of the community centered around the Albany Free School. When ladies in this community became preggers, there would be a sign-up sheet made and those not burdened by birth would sign up to make meals for the offsprung-from for the first six months of dinner.
      Perhaps we could implement this tool, but instead of using it as a free meal reward system for making babies it can be used as a free meal reward system for Margaret blogging.

  2. D.C January 25, 2013 at 9:43 am #

    I don’t get your point with capitals and Germans, they have their reasons for writing everything in capitals noob. (If you didn’t know: all nouns are written in capital)
    German is the most detailed language of ’em all. And seriously; our language is so fucked up we better not talk about anyone else. Like why do we write awesome with awe and awful with aw and both awe and aw are pronounced the same way. That’s retarded. Or what about knowledge/know or knee? What’s with that k? If it’s not pronounced why bother spelling it that way? You gotta admit it’s stupid.

    Shit man, when I think about Germans.. They way ahead of us.

    God, I feel so ashamed of myself.

  3. D.C January 25, 2013 at 9:46 am #

    And hell, what does “….are we guten or are we nein-guten about it?”? Da fuq?

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