Trend #1: Banglessness. I am thinking about growing my bangs out, even at risk of revealing my way noble brow/enormous forehead. My feeling is that bangs represented a more innocent, pre-Obama time in American History, whereas now that we are all too po’ to get our bangs trimmed regularly.
This summer is going to be all about foreheads, and abs.
Trend #2: I can’t think of any other fashion trends right now. I guess I would like to predict that bangs come back in for fall 2011.
Trend #3: “Post-racist-racist” cultural appropriation. Instead of getting all offended about the kind of outfits you see when you enter keywords like “ethnic” or “poncho” into Etsy, in Summer 2011 we will all just chill and get our bangs trimmed, if that’s the most flattering thing to our face shape. And wear tribal ponchos without everyone being all “That seems like an unintentionally ironic statement about smallpox blankets.”
Trend #4: Pajama Jeans. I saw an infomercial about these while I was at the gym, working on my abs. At first I was like, “Why would I want pajamas that look like jeans?” But then I thought of like a hundred scenarios in which that would come in handy. For example: If your house is on fire, and you run outside, ordinarily everyone is all “Hahaha! Your pajamas are hilarious! How embarrassing!” But with Pajama Jeans, the joke would be on them.