Tag Archives: Barack Obama

Not Job=Nut Job: a post that is not about squirrels

27 May

Who has seen Reality Bites? It is a true documentary about the youth of our times and their post-coll’y struggles. And right now, guys, it is about me and my life. I am like desolate. Overeducated and underemployed, you know? The recession. Tea parties. Obama-rama.

For awhile I was like, I will just blog my way into getting a job. And then I was like, I am bored of this blog. And THEN I was like, I should blog about that.

So here is what we are learning Horse Facts about today: What should I do for a job now that there aren’t really any jobs? I did a quick search of Google to determine the career paths available to me, as modeled by Barbie because I have a hard time paying attention if there are unattractive people\dolls involved:

From top right: Ginger haired college grad; 70s Quaaludes mom; space cowgirl; SARS victim; Olympic something; Cyndi Lauper impersonator; terrorist; McDonald’s employee\Michael Jackson reference??

According to Wikipedia, Barbie has also been a Spanish teacher, a paleontologist, and an Ambassador for World Peace. Discussion topic: Do you ever think that Barbie got some of these jobs unfairly, because she conforms to\is often credited for creating our society’s stereotypes re: gender\unrealistic height-weight proportions\perky attitude?

Here is me modeling the last real job I had, which was baking things while ignoring a lot of different health codes regarding grooming:

Wups, I feel like this is getting off-top. I looked on YouTubes for a version of the Offspring’s coming-of-age anthem about this, but they’ve disabled the “embed” feature. Luckily this Japanese cover uncannily captures the spirit, if not the actual lyrics:

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Cross Cultural Studies: the Elderly

22 Mar

Although many people have told me that I could easily pass for a tween, not only because of my limited vocabulary but also my unrelated-to-pregnancy glow, the Horse Fact of it is is that the seasons certainly do turn, aka: One can’t stay young forever.

The problem is that in my culture, when women graduate to the “contempo casual corner” section of Nordies, they are forced to get the hairstyle of Jamie Lee Curtis (to signify their lack of fertility to society), purchase some zany\purple accessories (same reason), and pretty much give up on making friends (with or without “bennies”) for superficial reasons.
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Which is not what I have in mind for myself, post career as a fairy princess/cancer doctor (haven’t decided which).
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But if there’s anything I learned from Avatar\The Little Mermaid\Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire, it’s that there’s no reason to follow your destiny if a more appealing destiny is available. For example, if you type “indian” “middle-aged” and  “woman,” into Google, this picture comes up:

Isn’t that nice? Apparently when women get “mature” in India, they just throw a big wrapper over the whole thing, toss on a tasteful gold necklace, and call it a day. Bet she’s not “sari” about aging, right?

I typed in “iranian middle aged woman,” expecting like, a zany purple burka or something. But the first hit was this:

I mean, wow. Um, okay. Is it okay to put this picture in my blog? Like, okay with the authorities? I guess it’s fine because I’m an investigative journalist. I’m not sure I could pull this outfit off in middle-age. But I could sure pull that outfit off of her, right guys? We should like, bomb their country, or something.

Luckily, as a search for “British middle-aged birds” revealed, USA is still #1 when it comes to comparisons between only the USA and Britain:

I don’t even know what’s happening here, but it’s definitely making me feel better about my future. For one, I will definitely have quit cigarettes once and for all by the time I’m wearing zebra stripes, and I have never owned a track jacket that literally points at my boobs.

I didn’t do any further Google image searching, mainly out of concern that I’m incapable of discussing other cultures without saying something wack\making a dad joke. I am considering sending this topic to World Have Your Say; would love to let Ros Atkins really sink his teeth in.

What about you guys? What cultural\ethnic changes are you planning to make as you enter the next “phase of life”?

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I would like to recommend that anyone approaching their 80s consider becoming whatever this woman is: