Tag Archives: facts about geography

Which Coast Is Better: A Topic

30 Aug

The West Coast is the Best Coast. I don’t even need to back that up, because California Girls are undeniable. Portland girls are also undeniable, because what we lack in Daisy Dukes with bikinis on top, we make up for in composting. The Middle Coast is not even a coast. What’s left? The Coast of France? Trick question. French coast is not even really French, it’s just fancy.

I bring this up because I was looking at FB today, just checking out pictures of people who I do not know, which is what I do when I’m too wound up for my afternoon nap — also known as insomnia, a borderline serious condish. Also, “FB” stands for “Facebook.” (My mom reads my blog sometimes.) I came across this picture of some East Coast equivalents of myself and my peers, settling down for a chilled out birthday session:

The picture gave me a kind of oh-uh feeling, like something fundamental and cosmic was downloading incorrectly, or like I had all of the “bit pieces” of a Torrent in my Transmission App, but something was stopping me from watching the complete first season of Golden Girls on VLC. “OK, fine,” I thought. “They all have nice glasses. Whatever.” And then I was like, “Maybe I just feel weird because none of them are wearing their pajamas.” And THEN I was like, “Is that cake not gluten-free?”

As you can see here, we chill a little bit differently on the West Coast. We hang out on hay bales, instead of apartments, drinking coconut water instead of beer and exhibiting terrible posture. Some of us have made bad fashion decisions for the day\week, or are having permanent issues with our bangs, but on the plus side, our daytime gatherings are really well attended because none of us have jobs.

I will never move to the Easter Coast, because I’m too busy pursuing a Life of the Heady Mind to remain physically “passable” even by the way-lower standards of the Pacific Northwest, and because I’m scared of the subway, but I’m curious about peers who have made the transition. How did you adapt your style\hairstyle? Which coast have you found it easier to get L’d on?