Tag Archives: pop culture commentary

Snooze Patrol: The Internet

10 Dec

Today I’d like to  weigh in on a question that is important to freedom and Freedom Acts and whether or not we should have Netflix vs. Support our local DVD-only video store, and it is: “Sup With the Internet? and If So, Can It Be Stopped?”

Just brainstorming here, but the first positive thing I can say about the internet is that it invented a code that is indecipherable to the elderly, which is good for when we run out of healthcare for them and need to coordinate alternative plans. I guess as opposed to the dial-up version of that idea, which would be if you just stole their hearing aids and glasses.  I also frequently find the language barrier to be a “neg” in situations such as when adults read newspaper articles about sexting and ask you for your opinion, as a teen, and you start to explain that you don’t sext because you have an iPhone, and on iPhones it is called “Facetime” and then you are like OMG, I am talking irl about s-e-x @thiselderlyperson.

Another possible 😦 is that because of the internet nobody ever capitalizes anything, and if they do it is ALL CAPS so everyone seems like they are either sloppy or yelling, which creates the illusion of everyone being drunk. Let me tell you where is a bad place to spill beer: it is your keyboard. And let me tell you who is crazy about capitalizing things that are definitely not proper nouns: it is the Germans. Freebie term paper topic: “Is the Internet (internet?) making us less German, and if so are we guten or nein-guten about it?” That would be a great paper. And you would learn something in the process: The sign of a great paper. Also: “Great Signs, Great Papers: A Life in German.” or “Too Many Colons: My Life in Subtitles.” All free.

Above, please see the 2nd image that appears when you google “germans.” I am not joking, and I’m not going to unpack it at all. Which brings me to the biggest problem of the internet, im(h)o, which is that it is boring. I feel like the whole point of the internet is that you aren’t supposed to have to DO anything, but yet I am constantly clicking on things and asking people what is fun on the internet and nobody ever, ever, ever updates their Facebook often enough. It’s like, Hey, Internet, I am not trying to read a book here. I am not trying to take a permaculture course at my local community college. I am obviously still in my pajamas and it is your job to delight and amuse me regardless of the hour or day of the week or lack of pants, because you are a machine invented for that purpose, you dig? And yet.

Which brings me to my final question: Can It Be Stopped? Which I would answer, except that I was literally only making this blog to kill time while I illegally downloaded the second season of Deadwood, which nobody better tell me any spoilers about, though I am aware it was filmed during the Gold Rush or sump sump so prols everyone else has already seen it. Pls feel free to continue this conversation with one another, or use the comments section to share parts of the internet that are not boring.

Look, ya’ll! It’s Wild Bill Hickock, and his podnah Seth Sump Sump! They are gonna shoot someone and pan for gold!!!!

And here is the dastardly Al Swearington! His mustache and center part is brewin for a fight. I bet he’s more complex than he seems in episodes 1-4, revealing an essential part of his true nature by the end of Season 1:

Oh, rah.

Not Job=Nut Job: a post that is not about squirrels

27 May

Who has seen Reality Bites? It is a true documentary about the youth of our times and their post-coll’y struggles. And right now, guys, it is about me and my life. I am like desolate. Overeducated and underemployed, you know? The recession. Tea parties. Obama-rama.

For awhile I was like, I will just blog my way into getting a job. And then I was like, I am bored of this blog. And THEN I was like, I should blog about that.

So here is what we are learning Horse Facts about today: What should I do for a job now that there aren’t really any jobs? I did a quick search of Google to determine the career paths available to me, as modeled by Barbie because I have a hard time paying attention if there are unattractive people\dolls involved:

From top right: Ginger haired college grad; 70s Quaaludes mom; space cowgirl; SARS victim; Olympic something; Cyndi Lauper impersonator; terrorist; McDonald’s employee\Michael Jackson reference??

According to Wikipedia, Barbie has also been a Spanish teacher, a paleontologist, and an Ambassador for World Peace. Discussion topic: Do you ever think that Barbie got some of these jobs unfairly, because she conforms to\is often credited for creating our society’s stereotypes re: gender\unrealistic height-weight proportions\perky attitude?

Here is me modeling the last real job I had, which was baking things while ignoring a lot of different health codes regarding grooming:

Wups, I feel like this is getting off-top. I looked on YouTubes for a version of the Offspring’s coming-of-age anthem about this, but they’ve disabled the “embed” feature. Luckily this Japanese cover uncannily captures the spirit, if not the actual lyrics:

I Want to be an Avatar

22 Dec

Just saw the new 3-dimensional movie, The Avatars. The plot is a little confusing to explain, but it’s about a typical family in Fern Gully, which is a big blue jungle in space, and how they resolve their interpersonal issues.

I relate to them because they look similar to humans, only bigger and blue and way more fitness oriented. However when I left the theater I felt kind of strange and sad, like I had just watched a 3-dimensional film about a really chill, muscular culture of people who have maintained the “old ways” but also are experts on following their hearts, just like Americans, but even better.

Whereas I grew up in an urban environment, and I consider my knowledge about blogs and fashion to be really important parts of my identity, the Avatar Family lives in the forest. They don’t even wear clothes and I get the feeling that they would think my hobbies were sort of dumb and irrelevent. They would make fun of me for not knowing about all of their sacred rituals, and for being self-centered.

When the bad guys came in to destroy the Avatars’ home planet so that they could steal all of their natural resources, I kind of felt like the bad guys were almost supposed to represent Americans stealing from Middle Easterners\Africans\South\Central Americans. If I were confronted with this situation, I would do everything in my power to help the Avatars defeat corporations.

Discussion Questions:

1. Should Americans find a new planet to move to, since everybody is mad at us?

2. Will there be better abs in the new millenium?

3. Do you think that The Avatars are attractive? I actually think that they are. Is Avatar Porn a viable way to make money in the future?

4. Which is a better James Cameron version of the future?

Avatars:

or Dark Angel:

Lil Wayne = Girl positive?

5 Dec

My dad tries to keep me up to date on pop culture that might be relevant to my social networking, so he pointed out this article in the NYTimes about Beth Ditto, who also lives in Portland and is The Gossip.

I have never actually seen\heard The Gossip, because I feel fine “knowing about” bands without actually seeing\listening to them, but I did read an article about Beth Ditto in the Believer so I know that Beth Ditto is rad, and a lesbian. As such, I was sort of surprised by this:

NYTIMES. Lil Wayne is not necessarily lady-friendly, though.

BETH DITTO. No, but he’s such an artist, and he’s obsessed with [performing oral sex]. I think that’s really cool and really girl-positive in a way. I think for hip-hop that’s really rad…I would say that “Tha Carter III” is one of my favorite albums.

I think that Beth Ditto is trying to get at how much Lil Wayne and the feminist movement have in common. For example:  If I, as a young womyn, were to apply for a job as a CEO or Corporate Attorney, I would encounter obstacles because of my gender. Lil Wayne would encounter similar obstacles because he doesn’t wear a shirt and is always high.


I wish I could fuck every girl in the world
I wish I could fuck every girl in the world
I wish I could fuck every girl in the world
I wish I could fuck every girl in the world

-Lil Wayne, Every Girl