Tag Archives: the economy

Not Job=Nut Job: a post that is not about squirrels

27 May

Who has seen Reality Bites? It is a true documentary about the youth of our times and their post-coll’y struggles. And right now, guys, it is about me and my life. I am like desolate. Overeducated and underemployed, you know? The recession. Tea parties. Obama-rama.

For awhile I was like, I will just blog my way into getting a job. And then I was like, I am bored of this blog. And THEN I was like, I should blog about that.

So here is what we are learning Horse Facts about today: What should I do for a job now that there aren’t really any jobs? I did a quick search of Google to determine the career paths available to me, as modeled by Barbie because I have a hard time paying attention if there are unattractive people\dolls involved:

From top right: Ginger haired college grad; 70s Quaaludes mom; space cowgirl; SARS victim; Olympic something; Cyndi Lauper impersonator; terrorist; McDonald’s employee\Michael Jackson reference??

According to Wikipedia, Barbie has also been a Spanish teacher, a paleontologist, and an Ambassador for World Peace. Discussion topic: Do you ever think that Barbie got some of these jobs unfairly, because she conforms to\is often credited for creating our society’s stereotypes re: gender\unrealistic height-weight proportions\perky attitude?

Here is me modeling the last real job I had, which was baking things while ignoring a lot of different health codes regarding grooming:

Wups, I feel like this is getting off-top. I looked on YouTubes for a version of the Offspring’s coming-of-age anthem about this, but they’ve disabled the “embed” feature. Luckily this Japanese cover uncannily captures the spirit, if not the actual lyrics:

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Trend Spotting: Poverty

20 Dec

Been noticing a weird trend lately: the less that I “work,” the harder it is for me to finance my usual consumption decisions, like shopping at grocery stores where most of the employees have more impressive academic degrees than I do, and not buying things that are inexpensive.

My peers and I maintain a sense of fashion that is unquantifiable in terms of “monetary value,” mainly by purchasing clothing that we “barter” with one another. It’s nice because when someone asks where you got something, you can honestly say that you have no idea, which is pretty much an unfailable recipe for Scoring Home Runs, sexually.

So I’m not totally sure what happens to all my cash. I’m thinking this has something to do with the economy?

I’ve been looking around on Craigslist for some finance-boosting options that won’t compromise my aesthetic values or require waking up early but can help me be more of an active member of the Portland bar scene.

If I applied, I would probably get this job. I’m not very tall but I’m a big fan of potassium, and I could definitely play up a job like this at parties/people would assume that I was “just kidding.” Is $9 an hour the going rate for human bananas?

I’m also considering selling my eggs to a loving Jewish couple for $8,000. This is a little more up my alley in terms of being a lot more money, not even including potential for being on a reality television series\cameo, but I’m worried that having clean urine would infringe on my social values.

Becoming a “gold digger” is another good option that I forget about sometimes. Checked out this Kayne West video from the 90’s about the subculture, but it seems like most of the womyn who take money from men have super tight abdominal muscles, which is not my particular body type.

I did find these Gold Digger adult Halloween\”Adult Dress Up” costumes, which retail for $49.99 and $59.99 online:


Does anyone else feel really frustrated that your chosen lifestyle is out of your price range\athletic ability?

Please comment with whatever easy and short term solutions you have found.